Chinese Food and Mascots

by iamthefrenzy

(NFL training camps are starting up around the league, so I’ll soon be diving into more serious articles about products, prospects, predictions, and professorial perspectives pertaining to our hobby…..but for now I’ll indulge in one more perfunctory post.)

The other night, as I sat at our local Asian buffet with my wife, we began discussing professional sports teams’ mascots and which U.S. cities had an identifiable theme among their pro teams. She then asked me why some cities had team mascots that either didn’t make sense or that stuck out like a sore thumb next to the other three teams. This began a long discussion in which renamed most of the offending teams in between bites of dangerously cheap sushi.

We managed to avoid illness that night and my hope is that articles doesn’t sicken you either. I realize that I will be treading on some sacred cows in audacity to rename these teams, many of whom have been around fifty years longer than I have been alive.

What I’ve done is put together a list of the NFL cities with three or more of the Big Four sports represented (excluding New York because there are just to many teams that call the Big Apple home) along with that city’s theme. Four cities have pulled off a tangible theme across all four sports, but most need to change one or two mascots to bring things into line.

First, the four cities that get it right:

4. Miami: Florida Wildlife
NFL – Dolphins
MLB – Marlins
NBA – Heat
NHL – Panthers

3. Phoenix: Desert Wildlife
NFL – Cardinals
MLB – Diamondbacks
NBA – Suns
NHL – Coyotes

2. Denver: Rocky Mountains
NFL – Broncos
MLB – Rockies
NBA – Nuggets
NHL – Avalanche

1. Dallas: The Wild West
NFL – Cowboys
MLB – Rangers
NBA – Mavericks
NHL – Stars


Ok, now for the rest..


Washington: Government
NFL – Redskins become the Filibusters.
MLB – Nationals
NBA – Wizards become the Lobbyists. (An AWESOME name for a basketball team)
NHL – Capitals

Minneapolis: Norse Culture
NFL – Vikings
MLB – Twins become the Seafarers.
NBA – Timberwolves.
NHL – Wild become the Ragnarok.

Detroit: Motor City
NFL – Lions become the Racers.
MLB – Tigers become the Blue Collars.
NBA – Pistons
NHL – Red Wings

Boston: Tough one here. Could go with either patriotism or immigrant diversity. I’m a football guy, so let’s go with patriotism.
NFL – Patriots
MLB – Red Sox become the Commons.
NBA – Celtics become the Revolutionaries. (or Revs for short)
NHL – Bruins become the Rebels.

Chicago: Bears or large North American mammals
NFL – Bears
MLB – Cubs
NBA – Bulls might become the Grizzlies. (Sorry Memphis)
NHL – Blackhawks become either the Kodiaks or the Bison.

Philadelphia: Continental Congress
NFL – Eagles
MLB – Phillies
NBA – 76ers
NHL – Flyers become the Founders

Oakland: Angry people who come and take your things
NFL – Raiders
MLB – Athletics become the Marauders.
NBA – Warriors

San Francisco: The Bay
NFL – 49ers
MLB – Giants become the Prospectors.
NHL – Sharks becomes the Aftershocks.

Houston: Space
NFL – Texans become the Apollos.
MLB – Astros
NBA – Rockets

Atlanta: Birds?
NFL – Falcons
MLB – Braves become the Starlings. (with Buffleheads coming in second)
NBA – Hawks

Cleveland: I know the popular pick would be “futility,” but let’s go with Rock’n Roll
NFL – Browns become the Crickets. (Buddy Holly’s band.)
MLB – Indians become the Rockers.
NBA – Cavaliers become the Riffs.

Pittsburgh: Blue collar jobs, with an affinity for black and yellow
NFL – Steelers
MLB – Pirates become the Riveters.
NHL – Penguins become the Scrappers.

…………and now that I’ve irritated three fourths of you either by my irreverence or my lack of creativity, feel free to chime in and let me know what you think or if you have a better name yourself.